3 Psychological Signs a Marriage Is Headed for Divorce

Introduction

Marriage is often seen as a safe haven — a space where love, trust, and mutual support create a lasting bond. But for many couples, the reality can quietly drift into disconnection, tension, and doubt. In 2025, best-selling author and marriage coach Laura Doyle surveyed over 600 women to understand what truly puts relationships at risk. The results highlighted three key signs that frequently precede divorce — each rooted in emotional and psychological patterns backed by clinical research.

If you’re wondering whether your relationship is going through a rough patch or spiraling toward a breaking point, this article offers clarity, context, and actionable insight — informed by expert psychology and real-world experience.

1. Emotional Distance and Loneliness

According to Doyle’s 2025 survey, 41.9% of women reported emotional loneliness as the most serious challenge in their marriage. This type of loneliness isn’t simply about being alone; it’s about feeling invisible — emotionally disconnected even when you’re physically together.

What Causes Emotional Distance?

Loneliness in a relationship often stems from patterns of avoidance, unresolved resentment, or poor emotional attunement. As cited in a 2021 study in Contemporary Family Therapy (source), couples who don’t invest in shared experiences or conversations begin to lose their emotional thread. The less couples engage, the harder it becomes to reconnect.

One common but toxic pattern that emerges is demand/withdraw communication. One partner insists, nags, or pleads for connection (“We never talk anymore!”), while the other retreats or shuts down, often to avoid conflict. This cycle, according to researchers at the University of Denver, increases both partners’ frustration and perpetuates emotional distance (source).

Consequences of Emotional Loneliness

• Partners stop sharing vulnerabilities

• Physical intimacy declines

• Misunderstandings increase

• Empathy erodes

“Without open emotional engagement, relationships don’t just stall — they start to die slowly,” explains relationship expert Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (source).

2. High Conflict and Unresolved Tension

31.8% of respondents in Doyle’s survey identified constant conflict and the lack of meaningful resolution as a major issue in their marriage.

It’s a misconception that conflict itself destroys marriages — it’s how couples fight that determines whether they grow or break apart.

The “Four Horsemen” of Relationship Doom

Renowned relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman coined the term the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” to describe conflict behaviors that predict divorce with over 90% accuracy (source):

1. Criticism – Attacking your partner’s character (“You’re so selfish.”)

2. Defensiveness – Denying responsibility or counter-attacking (“You’re worse!”)

3. Contempt – Eye-rolling, sarcasm, or mocking (the most toxic horseman)

4. Stonewalling – Withdrawing or giving the silent treatment

If these patterns dominate how couples handle disagreement, emotional safety breaks down. The brain registers these behaviors as threats, triggering the fight-or-flight response. This creates a toxic cycle where each partner feels unsafe, unheard, and unsupported.

Repair vs. Repeat

Healthy couples don’t avoid arguments; they learn how to repair after them. This involves:

• Active listening

• Expressing appreciation

• Taking breaks to de-escalate

• Apologizing without excuses

• Collaborating on solutions

Gottman’s studies suggest that repair attempts are the single greatest predictor of a couple’s ability to stay together. Without them, small fights snowball into chronic disconnection.

3. Financial Stress and Lack of Shared Values

While emotional issues often dominate divorce narratives, money problems remain a quiet killer. In Doyle’s study, 41 participants (about 6.8%) cited financial stress as their most difficult challenge — but its ripple effect is often underestimated.

More Than Just Money

According to a 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, arguments about money often reflect deeper issues:

• Trust and control

• Different goals or values

• Hidden resentments about contribution

• Fear of instability or failure

One partner might feel the other spends recklessly; the other might feel micromanaged. Even subtle disagreements about budgeting, saving, or career choices can provoke chronic stress when unresolved.

“Money isn’t the issue — it’s a mirror,” writes financial therapist Amanda Clayman. “It reflects how we relate to power, freedom, and fairness.”

Key Financial Frictions That Predict Divorce

• Secret accounts or spending (“financial infidelity”)

• Disparity in income with resentment

• Lack of a shared budget or financial planning

• Constant fights about purchases or debts

Doyle also points out generational pressures. Younger couples face economic instability, rising costs of living, and student debt — all of which magnify financial strain. Older couples often struggle with retirement fears or disagreements about supporting adult children or aging parents.

Marriage in Transition: A Living System

What these signs reveal is that marriage isn’t static. It’s a living system — one that must evolve with changing life stages, crises, and personal growth.

Couples that survive and thrive tend to:

• Face problems together rather than alone

• Prioritize consistent communication

• Stay curious about their partner’s inner world

• Seek therapy or coaching before the breakdown

In Doyle’s words:

“The goal isn’t to avoid hardship, but to become allies in the face of it.”

What To Do If You See These Signs

Seeing one or more of these signs in your relationship doesn’t mean it’s doomed. It does mean it’s time to act. Here are some ways to move forward:

1. Seek Therapy

Whether individually or as a couple, therapy can be a lifeline. Therapies like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Gottman Method Couples Therapy are research-backed and effective.

2. Improve Emotional Literacy

Use tools like the book “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson or “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman to learn how to navigate emotions and repair conflict.

3. Create Financial Alignment

Use a shared budgeting app, agree on money meetings monthly, and align on shared goals. Consider working with a financial counselor if needed.

4. Don’t Wait Until It’s Broken

The most common regret among divorced individuals is not seeking help sooner. Early intervention increases the chance of repair and recovery significantly.

Conclusion

Marriage doesn’t fall apart overnight. It slowly unravels through silence, avoidance, criticism, and resentment. But these warning signs can also serve as a wake-up call — a chance to realign, reconnect, and rebuild before it’s too late.

As Laura Doyle’s research and the findings of experts like Dr. Gottman show, relationships require more than love. They require intention, communication, emotional safety, and shared values. If you recognize these patterns in your relationship, take heart — recognition is the first step toward healing.

Sources

• Doyle, Laura. 2025 Marriage Survey Results. https://lauradoyle.org

• Contemporary Family Therapy, 2021. https://link.springer.com/journal/10591

• Gottman Institute. The Four Horsemen. https://www.gottman.com

• Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2023. https://journals.sagepub.com/home/spr

• Johnson, Dr. Sue. Hold Me Tight. https://iceeft.com

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